motherhood

Why I am so quite

Not sure why, I am wide awake , the flash of cars driving by. That was it , that is why I thought someone walked by. Thankfully it woke me, my arm has fallen asleep and my shoulder is aching. I to move and rub it some. I need some time to move it freely and exercise it. I heard my neighbor earlier knocking and he yelled that he saw me sitting there. He probably assumes that I am just ignoring him , waiting for him to leave or something. God I pray that he knew , that anyone knew. Wait some do know and don’t care. How ? I have never understood.

At school yesterday I got a invitation to a party, I so hope I can go. I won’t ask to take a present or mom to drive. It’s closer than the store that she has me walk to all the time. It’s a sleep over, I wonder how other kids get to spend their nights ? Do they sleep in their bed ? Do they have dinner with people ? Do they sit at a table ? I just want to go and see what others live like. I catch my mom and step dad sitting at the table eating and laughing. I see them leave all the time and come back happy. There has to be a world I am missing.

Bess (my dog) is whining at the door. It’s been a week since I have been allowed to play with her. I never thought my heart could hurt like this, but I am sure it is my heart, I miss my dog. She’s the only friend I have. For years she has been at my side here on the stair case, beside at me night if I cry or just lay there.

I know what I go through is not a 100% normal, I listen to the other girls, they have sleep overs and make cakes and do their nails. My mom would never allow me to paint my nails. I wonder how they come about to do these things ? Why is my mom different or am I different ?

Shhh …. I think they heard the rattle of the handcuffs on the stair rail , I knew I should of been much more quite.

Not sure why, I am wide awake , the flash of cars driving by. That was it , that is why I thought someone walked by. Thankfully it woke me, my arm has fallen asleep and my shoulder is aching. I to move and rub it some. I need some time to move it freely and exercise it.

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