motherhood

Preparation or Deprivation

When you are happy it’s great. Pain is a way for some to be happy. Pain is great for some. Pain without love can be their way. Pain as love could be as well.

It was so quiet and no clue if I was alone or they were here as well. I couldn’t see so the sky must have clouds to hide the moon, no single strands of lights peeking through anywhere. I search as I lay here for one. Anything to shine on the wall.

I lay and listen more, there’s no sounds … so it’s night 3 no one has came home. There’s always a water bottle or 3 laying around for me to drink , but the secret is learning how much I can resist the urge to pee. It’s a science I believe in my head to calculate it over time. I have it down. Will come in handy in life I am sure. I also know how long I can go with out moving and how much I need to move so I don’t go numb but also don’t use all my strength.

Some say my life is tragic, that I am not cared for. Maybe my parents are preparing me for a world we don’t know of yet.

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