motherhood

Good Evening

How is everyone doing ? Excited for the bans to be lifted ? Ready to go back into public – spend money – eat out ? Maybe catch a deadly disease ? I am still a bit worried not sure about you guys . I have my oldest boys flying out to see me in a few days for a month. I cannot be more excited for this trip/visit !!

Took some time to my self today about 20 minutes and went to the backyard and took some snaps of the mountains. I miss them , I need a climb/hike

Pikes Peak – Colorado Springs

motherhood

The more you know

Did you know that the human brain does this ? Blocks and binds receptors to make chemicals make your brain needs. Learning about meds and the chemicals in your brain. It’s interesting I will say that confusing. I am currently learning taking switching meds lol. My brain is broken and I need help creating these chemicals. Anyhow you should google your brain in some free time. Interesting what is cannot and can do. What it can recreate, how it can retrain itself. So much.

motherhood

Worthy

I feel most humans need that contact with other humans. I use to crave being away from other humans , I can’t stand all the different ways of being “you”. I distanced myself because I take friendship dear. I am a strange person as well lol. You know you are reading my blog 🤷‍♀️ Seriously though, I am complicated if you don’t like me or know me I am hard to take and still understand. I am worthy of the tolerance you allow though.

Sometimes though you just “fallout”. Even with love and relationships. Currently I love who I am with no one else I love currently, just him. I am though no where near in love with him. Couldn’t even imagine it. I think. Weird realization time. It is what it is. Life is that. You love you hurt you move on.

I am a mom first and foremost that’s always my problem. I should be me, but I am not. I can recognize that fact and most cannot so thumbs up for me. Any others that can see that too. One day it will be me. I have a 2 & 3 year old be a long time lol !

The Covid has brought a lot of time for people to think and get to know themselves and whom they live with. Families become tighter or harder at heart. Big difference spending 24/7 together running hear and doing this and that ….. than spending 24/7 together doing 100% together 24/7.

Makes ya think ….. uh ?

You are welcome.

Anyways that’s my odd thinking of tonight. Enjoy your dreams or days that’s about to begin off to watch some crazy show to give Rene crazy dreams and spawn other odd ramblings of my overanxiousmimd .

motherhood

The reason why …..

You’re not the one that sleeps with baby monitor yet you are the one awoken at 6:40 AM. You are the one to get up and be the parent yet another year.

I did not want to eat alone on “my day” so I didn’t get a lunch. That is my fault, another reason, I didn’t get lunch for “my day”. Another year.

He napped so I stayed awake and carried heavy bricks over and watched the kid that didn’t nap, got the other one out of their bed when they were up another year.

Even though I wrote on a piece of a paper and gave him. I didn’t get dinner for “my day”, because after being given hate and bad attitude and ignored all day, I didn’t look at his phone. That is why no dinner for me on my day …. no clue why to look at the phone. Another year.

I can’t remember the last time that I have had “Mother’s Day”. I have no mother to spend with and no one to do anything for me.

These are my reasons that I am gone. I can’t stand being the reason that something is always wrong. Now something will not be my fault. As I cry my eyes out the last Mother’s Day it doesn’t seem to be any different.

These alone.